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Vent of the night

At times don’t you wish everything could just start over well that’s life nothing can change back we just move forward. Trying to make peace is so hard even when you really mean it with all your heart. I hate seeing others either mad or upset with each other. Truth is I hate the fact that I care a lot, I really do care for others more then myself I tend to let a lot of things go and just tell myself its okay, or I tend to blame myself and beat myself up about it. I know I have done wrong, so have others that’s life nobody is perfect and nobody is at fault. I tend to look at everything in a set of mind I do think everyone has good really I do. My goal is to make everything at peace, I wanna see many people start over in friendships, I wanna help out as much as I care. I rather see my friends happy then myself which is a true fact, its hard seeing two people not talk or end up fighting. I have the mind set of if someone messes up but if there really a true friend and despite the negative that’s your friend you should always remember that. Even when you fight or it ends up really bad just remember that person has been there for you through thick and thin. That’s the friendship worth keeping and fighting for. Life has been content for awhile, my mission is to strive for happiness and make sure some things fall into place. I have learned a lot and I know I’m getting somewhere, I’m learning from my actions and growing into a better person. I’m really just trying to find the missing factors to life to make this life, what it should be, which is the life of happiness because without a doubt everyone has the right to be happy. So to all my friends, ex friends and to the people who are reading this instead of thinking about the negative, be blessed and thankful for every moment you were given every friendship, every friendship that went bad or every moment good or bad tell yourself it was worth it because you needed that path to help you along the road..

Music is everything, its what keeps me sane. Just close your eyes and let the music take over. Its the best feeling ever

New day new me. As of today leaving the past behind and enjoying what I have right now. I’m not giving up or I’m not worrying about tomorrow. I’m strong.

Some days I just wanna quit and just be normal for a bit. - foreign exchange be alright MP3

i am just a worthless liar / i am just an imbecile… i will only complicate you, trust in me and fall as well. i will find a center in you, i will chew it up and leave. i will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down.

The past year has been an intense year, with many ups and downs, but somehow through out everything im still here.  I texted a friend last night around 2 in the morning and asked them one question what would you do all over again in the past? My friend texted me back asking what would you have done. Here is where my story begins, I have done alot in the past which sometimes i wish i didnt do but thats life, a learning factor. Frist off, if i could go back, I would of made alot of things right. Ive hurt, ive done wrong to others, ive made people angry but in the end of the day, how is anyone different from me? Im not trying to make myself look better or anything but i just dont understand how, one person can go on and on and make someone look like the most evilest person out there, when that person was bad intentions as well. Something ive always liked about myself is i tend to forgive easy. Ive had alot of people do me wrong, and i acted as if nothing has happend before. Like my mom says, people dont understand my good intentions because people miss understand them. one thing i need to learn is I need to learn before i speak thats a weakness of mine, yes i can joke around alot but sometimes i dont think that sometimes the joke can turn into something serious or can be brought up as something bad. Over all when I look at myself what do I think about myself? Well I do think of myself as a good person with alot of work i need to deal with. What can i say im a work in process. I know i have a big heart and I know Im on a mission to better myself, not for others but for myself. I miss alot of people, I have lost so many friends this year, even the closest friends of mine finally hate me and dont want knowing to do with me, to be honest i understand, but one thing i would like to say is, i will always be here. They might think im just saying this to look like the better person but thats just me im the type to always be here its til the end right? im keeping my promise.  I just wish alot of things didnt happen that did happen, but from the bottom of my heart, I would like to say a huge sorry to a certain person, I know you always hear sorry and what not but I really do care for you, and i know my heart is right about that, I know I fucked up alot of times, ive done wrong yes I have, and i know I look like the biggest jerk out there, but from the bottom of my heart i am so sorry, Not having you in my life makes me weak, I care alot, always have always you dont realize what you have til its gone.  That is very true and it took me awhile to understand that meaning. I do hope one day, everything will be okay but for now I will act as a cloud in the sky, as a cloud comes and goes, i will act as if i were that cloud you never once knew.  But most important, despite the bad, im still here, im still that same person. I am that good person and nobody will tell me different because in the end im strong. SO after writing this blog, now i ask myself what would i have changed, my answer nothing, due to everything im not made me everything that I am.  So I hope this blog touches people, and whoever reads this keep hanging on we all have problems so dont let anyone put out the fire. Dont give in and strive for the best.